Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Colors- Pay Me Back My Love (1986)

It's inevitable: when a relationship ends, somebody has to get the short end of the stick. It's common to feel as if someone "owes" you for inflicting long-term emotional damages. However, it is near to impossible to pay someone back in love, and very tough to assign a monetary value to the end of a long-term partnership (just ask your average divorce lawyer!).
To properly handle the situation, the dumper should be forced to buy several therapy sessions, as well as a month's worth of Ativan, to the dumpee on the eve of the breakup. It is my understanding that all further grievances should be rectified using the "ass, grass, or gas" payment structure.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Timex Social Club- Rumors (1986) & Club Nouveau- Jealousy (1986)

Are my ears correct? Did Club Nouveau really write a diss song about Timex Social Club? This is not South Central LA in the early 90's... What did you guys have to fight about?
Was somebody bogarting the Soul-Glo? Did someone play the whole "shake a can of soda and hand it to your thirsty friend" joke? Did someone make fun of your Coogi sweater?
Come on, fellas... We're all fruity 80's R&B one-hit-wonders here, can't we all just get along?

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Magic Eye- Don't Panic (1988)

Don't panic? Don't panic?
Uhhh... Directly across the ocean from us, a country, arguably the most industrious and technologically advanced in the world, just collapsed into itself, and is brewing several massive nuclear meltdowns at this very moment. How long until Godzilla gets involved in all of this?
I currently reserve the right to be a little unnerved.
Pffft. Don't panic.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Princess- Say I'm Your Number One (1985)

Princess uses this video as a means to send a giant "fuck you" to those of us that think that crop-tops and old-timey bowler hats should never mix, and throws on a pair of wacky earrings to really drive the point home. Number one, alright.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Leon Bryant - I'm Going To Put A Spell On You (1984)

If I was given the rare opportunity to learn a magical spell, I think I would choose one that makes people shut their damn mouths.