Thursday, July 29, 2010

Rockwell- Somebody's Watching Me (1984)

The next time you feel like you should 'dance like nobody's watching', you should try to remember that I am watching you. Have some humility. Oh, just think of the snappy little comments I will have about your moves and your outfit and the way there's a horny black guy sneaking up on you from behind... On second thought, you may as well knock yourself out, and dance however the fuck you want. It gives me something to do.

p.s. Fun fact- this is my favorite song of all time.

Jones Girls- Who Can I Run To (1979)

The very finest basslines are not characterized by their trunk-shaking thumps, but rather by their 'smoother than KY' riffs.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Bromar- Call Me Up (Extended) (1985)

Call me up- I've been thinking about ways to win "America's Got Talent", and if I don't start unloading some of these ideas, I might explode.
Greasy magicians, a retired military man, computers, fire, homeless dogs, old people, fat people, lasers, the disabled, and a girl dressed as a 'sexy cat'. All in one act.
You try to wrap your head around all of that by yourself.

Raymun- Do You Feel Like I Feel (1983)

Do you guys feel like I feel? Like people are dressing too "shiny" lately? Sometimes, when I'm out, the spotlight will hit someone on the dance floor, and the reflection is blinding. Light beams off of clothes are just as invasive to my personal space as dudes with grabby hands and people who won't stop talking to me (too closely) about why they love dubstep. Also, it makes me nervous to be able to use someone's ass as a mirror.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Rock Candy- I Got Love (1982)

As an adult, the term 'rock candy' has me thinking less about the delicious edible gravel I envisioned as a child, and more about the sugar-related ant problems that may arise.

Mini Curry- Serious (1987)

There are only two times in this world that I get serious: when I lose a loved one, and when I'm stepping up to the buffet table.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Fancy- Bodyguard (1985)

I bet the best part about being a bodyguard is the "thanks for making sure that my head doesn't get blown off, and taking a bullet for me if the situation arises" Christmas gift every year.

Khemistry- Who's Fooling Who (1982)

My eleventh grade chemistry teacher told me that science has an answer for everything. The same teacher died of a heart attack about a year later. I guess what he meant to say was: science has an answer for everything except for uncontrollable snack attacks.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

High Fashion- Love (1983)

Let me tell you what 'high fashion' really is: a lot of pointy, and a lot of baggy.

Whtiney Houston- Thinking About You (1985)

It's so sad that Whitney got herself hooked on crack...
Like, she couldn't afford designer drugs? There are times that I think she makes Lohan seem classy. Come on Whitney, lay some real money on the table and grab yourself a needle, bitch. The goal is "glamour addict", not "even too crazy for Bobby Brown addict".
Also, this was the second single on Whitney's first album, and it tanked! I like this track because Whitney sounds cute, poor, and hungry.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Chaka Khan- I Feel For You (1984)

I wish my parents would have thought harder about my name. Instead of 'Sarah', how about 'Chaka', or 'Khan' (both are great!)? 'Sarah' get you a modest house and a modest career later in life, 'Chaka' ensures that you will be a lioness with the voice of an angel when you grow up. Ask yourself: what do you want for your children???

Dazz Band- Joystick (1983)

When I was a kid, one cool thing you could do is go to the arcade. As I found out the hard way, one uncool thing you could do was to gravitate immediately toward the 'Dig Dug' machine.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Coffee- Casanova (1980)

You know, people talk about Casanova like he was the 'king of romance', but you and I both know he was basically just in it for the 'tang.

Gwen McCrae- 90% of Me Is You (1975)

When I listen to this song, it's tough to imagine that it would even be possible to have yourself 90% consumed into anything, but then I remember that my personal hatred of those open-toed boots (seen on every other girl in the world) is getting pretty damn close.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Lillo Thomas- Sexy Girl (Sexy Mix) (1987)

If somebody asked me my opinion on the sexiest qualities a man can have, "an ability to put up with my bullshit" would be near the top of the list.

Aleem featuring Leroy Burgess- Confusion (1986)

The world is such a confusing place, but much moreso when you mix vodka and Ativan into the equation.