Monday, May 30, 2011

Pleasure- Give It Up (1982)

When I was very young, I was sure that there was a tiny old man in the traffic lights, and if you hit the button a few extra times, you could trick him into changing the walk-sign a bit quicker. Nowadays, I am fully aware that these lights are run on timers and computers by the city. That's why I always feel a little sorry when I see someone standing at a crosswalk reaming away on the button... It's like, give it up, man; that little old dude retired way back in the 80's.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Taana Gardner- No Frills (Larry Levan Club Mix) (1981)

I am 100% certain that the 30% you save whilst shopping in those big-box, no-frills type grocery stores is made up for by a 70% increase in rat piss in the products you buy. An informed shopper is always a savvy shopper.

Monday, May 16, 2011

DeBarge- Can't Stop (1982)

100% of my childhood romantic fantasies involved El DeBarge standing outside of my bedroom window blaring 'All This Love' on a boombox held above his head, 'Say Anything'-style. What I didn't factor in was the part where he brings along several bags of crack and a prostitute, and wants to crash on the couch for a "few days".

Monday, May 9, 2011

Spence- Get It On (1983)

Parents will name their new son 'Spencer' in the hopes that he will become a successful, well-liked businessman. What they don't bank on is the true fact that, whether in it's pure form or shortened to 'Spence', the name 'Spencer' almost always leads to a fate of becoming an annoying (typically ginger) pompous asshole of a man. It's inevitable. Do your kids a favor and stick with the classics, such as 'Michael', 'Randy', or 'Tito' to ensure future prosperity.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Milton Smith and Stimulus- I Wanna Get Next To You (1985)

If you see me sidling up next to a stranger, you can be sure it's for one of two reasons:
(1) I'm trying to decipher the stains their sweatpants, or (2) I'm checking to see if they're shorter than me.