Jakki- Got Me Burnin Up (1982)

Nothing sadder than a saggy cartoon Latino ice cream salesman that appears to be having a bad day... Stay in school, kids.
(Or at least try to smile when you hand me my popsicle, okay? You're bumming me out over here.)

The Bar Kays- Trippin' Out (1982)

I strongly feel that, at a very early age, children should be forced to make a very difficult decision: the ability to invent and create, or the ability to take psychedelics. Not both.
I'm sure I could've lived through Jefferson Airplane and hippie paintings. I could hang with Rainbow Bright, and Fruity Marshmallow Krispies were a colorful way to start my day. I could even handle motherfucking Zubaz pants in small doses, but then came hackey sacks and now there's assholes with ponytails flipping around some acid head's dream of a "magic ball" around his arms like it's no big thing (I saw it on an infomercial!).
Enough is enough. Before it goes too far. Please, people.
One or the other.

Hotline- Ready or Not (1984)

I will tell you: we, as a society, have come so far technologically that it's almost cute to think of people using desktop calculators or dialing a hotline for their pornography needs.

Kenny Smith- Witness (1980)

After a particularly bad cold and flu season a few years ago, wherein I had watched The Sopranos series in it's entirety, I swear I will never, ever say a damn thing if I witness a crime...
Can't write sassytunes from the bottom of the Bow River with an ice pick through my skull.
No siree.