Yarbrough & Peoples- Don't Stop The Music (1980)

There's always this point in the night- somewhere between 2:15 and 3:00, depending on where you go- where the music starts to get really amazing again, and the legal drinks stop flowing and the strange free-handout drinks appear in your palm (usually import beer from one of the "sketchy countries"), and you stay on the dance floor in fear of the last few notes playing over the speakers. Then the lights come up and there's puke and blood on the floor, a bunch of broken glass, the air reeks of cheap tequila and red bull, and your blistered feet stick on the ground as you walk. This is a feeling universally known as "time to go home".

Melba Moore- Mind Up Tonight (1982)

Yo, I love a piece of Melba toast as much as the next guy, but you know that shit is just old bread, right?

Sheila E- The Glamorous Life (1985)

It took me a long time to realize that the true "glamour" of Sheila E had less and less to do with glitter headbands and unapologetic spandex and more and more to do with banging Prince.

Prestige- Cheating (1983)

I'll admit, it would be horrible to have a cheating boyfriend, but at least I'd finally get the chance to ask Joey Greco what brand of hair gel he has been using all these years.

Prince- Lady Cab Driver (1982)

For all of the cabs I've ever hopped into, I've never had a female cab driver, but I'm willing to bet there would be a bare minimum 150% improvement on the smell.