GQ- I Love The Skin You're In (1980)

This week I officially enter my mid-thirties: a time that involves a lot less political conversation, and a hell of a lot more skincare, than I ever, ever expected.

Final Edition- We're Moving On (1980)

I really hate moving, but the official escape from the chicken soup-smelling hallway and general dickery of the building I am currently in totally justifies the week of miserable hard-ass labor.

p.s. There is like one hundred million great synth lines in this song, and the bass line is dope as fuck, so please listen on headphones!

Shotgun- Falling In Love (1980)

It's hard to believe, in 2015, that dues are still falling for the sexy decoys on the Maury. Like, have you never stayed home from work sick for the day, man? Scratch that, have you ever even had a job that took you away from daytime TV? Nowadays, getting tricked by the Maury Show is on the same level as truly believing that a Nigerian prince is e-mailing you to front him some cash.

Claudette Polite- I'll Come When You Call Me (1987)

Typically I'm the one walking into places reeking of weed, so when I showed up at the Kevin Hart concert on Monday and was the only person that wasn't fresh out of a hot-boxed car, I almost felt like I was being impolite. 

Kleeer- Running Back To You (1981)

There are times that I wish I was a celebrity. Not for the fame, or the money, or the public recognition, but rather the unwavering trust that the general public has in your basic opinions. For example, as far as I am aware, Shaquille O'Neal is not a physician, nor has ever set foot in a chiropractic school, but when that dude starts to talk about back pain in the commercials, I'm like, well, this guy probably knows what he's talking about.

Love Come Down- Evelyn "Champagne" King (1982)

As much as I bitch and moan and complain about Halloween, it's tough to deny that for some folks, it's a good form of escapism for one night. It must be a harsh comedown for someone to go to bed a slutty nurse on the 31st, and wake up back to being Brandy, super slutty Denny's waitress, on the 1st. 

Kenny Moore- It Only Takes A Minute (1982)

It only takes a minute to realize that a catchy song like 'Hotline Bling' was released solely for the purpose of boozey-breathed drunk bitches to scream-request it at the club "because it's my friend's biiiiiiiiiiiithday". 

The Brothers Johnson- I'll Be Good To You (1976)

I was burning some sage and incense to give my place some good house-selling vibes, and a neighbor comes down and accuses me of smoking pot, and it's like yo, you can kick in any time now, sage.

Aurra- Perfect Date (1984)

My boyfriend took me out on the perfect date this weekend. It started simple enough: sushi, a drive, letting me smoke a joint in the car while we drive around downtown listened to Future jams that he had downloaded earlier in the week. Fifteen months in, and I'm still smitten with the guy. As he pulls up to the front of my building, he looks in my eyes and says something more panty-melting than all the love sonnets in the world: "I've got a half bag of Sour Patch Kids in my backpack. Let's go inside".

Hot And Sassy- Let's Funk It Up (1980)

Yesterday, I stood on a corner downtown. Across from me was a human-Terminator type stretching his calves, waiting for the light to turn, and wearing only running shorts and sneakers. I leaned into the guy beside me and said "Apparently the great shirt shortage of 2015 is way worse than anyone thought". The guy beside me smirked, and held up his hand for a high-five. Sassin' ain't easy, but it sho' is fun.