Aretha Franklin- Jump To It (Extended Version) (1982)

I always said to myself: I'm going to meet Luther Vandross one day, I'm going to meet Luther Vandross one day, I'm going to meet Luther Vandross one day, but then they invented the Luther Burger, and it was all too late.
I better jump to it, and fast, if I want to meet Aretha Franklin, in case someone invents an 'Aretha Burger' and things get out of hand. 

Kenny James - Can't Keep Holding On (1984)

You can't hold onto every single one of your childhood ideals for life (because ultimately, that makes you sort-of autistic), but if you're going to keep one hope alive, make sure it's the one where you have a slurpee machine in your kitchen, because that shit would be so. fucking. dope.

Skyy- Here's To You (1980)

We applaud firefighters and police officers for the tough job they do every day, but in my opinion, the real heroes are the guys that use planes to write messages in the sky, who tirelessly resist the temptation to stop in the middle of a beautiful engagement message to write really bitchy, derogatory comments about their ex.

DD Sound- Wake Up In The Night (1982)

When I realized that my neighbours beside me, and my neighbours above me, were gone for the week, I felt like a Christmas-time Kevin McAllister when he realized that he no longer had a bunch of dicks in his house trying to tell him what to do.
I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do if I wake up in the night and couple of bumbling burglars have broken into my place, though. My skills in constructing wacky traps are mediocre at best.

Cliff Dawson- Can't Get Enough (2014)

I'm going to pull a Cliff Dawson, and start up a blog of even SASSIER tunes when I turn 70.

Brian Loren- Easier Said Than Done (1984)

There are new statistics that say that 53% of Vegetarians go back to eating meat within a year. Really, giving up meat is easier said than done. It's a back-and-forth cycle I know all too well- one where I bounce between being pushed away after finding a hard thing in my sausage or a gross veiny piece of chicken, and being lured back in with a particularly sexy steak. It's always a bit of a fall from grace when you go back to eating the flesh of another living being, but another unpublished statistic is that non-vegetarians are 53% less smug.

Freddy James- Don't Turn Your Back On Love (1982)

The term "sheeple" has been #trending lately, and the irony, as well as the general stupidity of the term, just kind-of makes me want to finally turn my back on humanity forever.

Song Twins: Odyssey- Who (1974) & Demis Roussos- I Dig You (1977)

I often think that disco got so convoluted, what with the angel dust flowing through the air and all of the sequins and glitter blinding everyone, that beats and songs were often re-used without anybody really noticing or giving a fuck.

Sister Sledge - Ooh, You Caught My Heart (1981)

Getting caught by my ultra-Christian, ultra-lame neighbors for smoking weed, and having them bitch me out in a disappointed tone for 45 minutes made me so thankful my dad was way too stoned to actually parent... Love you, Dad!

Cheryl Lynn- Shake It Up (1981)

It's no wonder that non-Western culture shakes their collective heads at us sometimes. While some of these countries are just trying to keep their population from dropping dead in the streets from starvation, we're over here encouraging our children to take an evening, put on a $40 plastic smock and mask, and go utter loaded threats at the neighbors to give them free candy or risk getting an entire carton of eggs whipped at their front door.