Michael Jonzen- Burnin' Up (1986)

I'm a real plan-ahead person, so immediately after chopping a bowl of Thai chilies, I rushed my hands to the sink before they started to burn. I turned on the faucet, and water straight from the deepest, hottest pits of hell came lava-ing out of the tap and onto my hands. It was kind-of like a 'Final Destination' for minor burns that kinda sting for an hour.

Isabel Roberts- Rhythm Of Your Love (1986)

People say that white dudes have no rhythm, but shrinky, jerky, "I gotta pee pee" dances ARE a rhythm, assholes.

Sharon Redd- Beat The Street (1982)

On my old street, all anyone ever talked about was "blah, blah, blah, weather", and "blah, blah, blah, home renos", and you proved your worth by keeping a nice tidy yard and lawn. On my new street, all anyone ever talks about is "blah, blah, blah, studio space", and "blah, blah, blah, bitch, you better have my money", and you prove your worth by rolling up your sleeves and lending a neighbourly hand in moulding the last bits of winter into a giant snow penis.

The Bar-Kays- Tripping Out (1982)

The first time I ever tried hallucinogens, I kept thinking my backpack was falling through my shoulders, and that an old, trollish man was following me. Well, as it so happens, my backpack was fine, and the old man was just an ugly stump someone had thrown onto the beach, and it left me wondering what else in my life was just a figment of my rather vivid imagination.

Taana Gardner- Heartbeat (1979)

I used to think that the heart swung freely around in a person's chest like a pendulum in a grandfather clock, but I was also an exceptionally stupid child. I thought that a small pin through your chest would stop your heart from swinging. I looked at my mom's pincushion in her sewing drawer, and wondered when she was going to make her move on me. Did I mention I was stupid? Also, paranoid. Each year, before I had figured out the mechanics of our cardiovascular system, I would stare at the candles on my cake, remember my mom's barrage of pointy objects, and think to myself, "Nice try Mom- if that's your real name".

Lace- Can't PLay Around (Larry Levan Extended Mix) (1982)

If there's one thing that is certain and true in this world, it is that you can't play around with love (or snakes).

Lamont Dozier- You Ought To Be In Pictures (1981)

I've had people tell me I should be in pictures, and with my perfect skin, height, hair, and charisma, and cam you blame them? Wait. Maybe that's not what they said. They said "your life should be a sitcom", because of the hilariously fucked up day-to-day situations, my odd looks, and the regularity of my horrible slapsticky accidents.

C.C. and Company- When (1987)

When you put your face on a giant billboard, no matter how important or impressive you are, the inevitable truth is that, at some point, somebody is going to try and draw a massive schlong near your mouth.

Take Three- Tonite (All Right) (1983)

True, being in a new relationship turns you into a dazed, sexed-out weirdo for a bit, but the constant lovin' every night gives you a flush of your cheeks and pout on your lips that ultimately saves you big coin on cosmetics.

Side On- Magic (1982)

I always knew, even when I was very small, that the magician at the birthday party that was pulling a long line of scarves out of a hat was probably using the same scarves to clean some pretty unsavory messes, so I always steered clear.