Change- Paradise (1981)

I often wonder if I should change my 'Thug Life' tattoo to 'Hug Life', because it's a great way to trick people into giving me physical affection.

Donna Summer- If It Hurts Just A Little (1982)

If it hurts just a little, then whoa, you're totally doing it wrong. 

Change- Hold Tight (1981)

If you ever happen upon a leprechaun at the end of a rainbow, hold onto that little green fucker tight, and never let him go. You never know when you're going to need some extra coin, and leprechauns are basically tiny, annoying ATMS.

Evelyn "Champage" King - Back To Love (1982)

When I was younger, 'back to school' used to be all about new outfits, new crushes, and new opportunities to learn. Now, it just means a longer, more disorganized line at the Domino's by my work, and a greater chance that someone will be an asshole to me on the bus.

Steve Parks - Movin' In The Right Direction (1981)

Until I saw the trailers for the new 'One Direction' movie, I had no idea there was boys in the band that weren't named 'Harry".

Jean Carne - Was That All There Was (1979)

I can distinctly remember sitting on the end of the bed after my first sexual encounter, thinking to myself "Was that all that was"?
I kept thinking there might be a second, better, part or something, but no dice. That's it, kid. Get used to it.

Earth, Wind & Fire- Fantasy (1978)

In some people's lives, they are millionaires or famous, but I don't like to ask for much from the universe... My fantasies mainly involve getting myself to a point in life where I no longer have to roll nickels, dust my own records, or steal pens from the bank.

Paradise- Back Together (1983)

You can watch as many as those sappy 'dad and son eating Oreos together in a heartwarming way' commercials, the ultimate truth about how to eat Oreos starts in the selection at the grocery store. You don't want a flimsy cookie that falls apart in milk. That's right, Double Stuf ONLY. Then, you take two Double Stuf Oreos, throw away the top cookie (or eat them, I don't care), and put them back together into a Quadruple Stuf Oreo, and that, loving TV dad and son, is how you eat a god damned sandwich cookie.

The Meadows- My Love Was Sleeping (1981)

I wish I could find a staying-on-a-rollercoaster contest somewhere, because I would be sleeping on a pile of fucking money right now.

Cyril Featuring Marcel Evans- Will You Show Up (1984)

Every time I cross the border, despite a complete lack of criminal record OR intent, I am just positive that they are going to scan my passport, and I'm going to show up on some sort of international bad-person database where I'll have to go live in a foreign jail where I will have to sleep in the dirt and eat bugs for the next twenty years. It is always a great way to start a vacation.