Prime Time- I Owe It To Myself (1984)

Sometimes I'll get to the counter of the 7-11, and I've got two kinds of beef jerky, a cream soda, seven dollars' worth of penny candy, and the newest issue of XXL, and the guy at the counter will look at me sideways.
For the record, counter guy, I know I'm being excessive, but after taking the lead on damage control after one of the clients at work tried to pee in the drain instead of the toilet, and sitting in a two-hour long HR presentation about how we're all fucking up our time-sheets, I totally, totally, TOTALLY owe it to myself. Totally.

Clarity- The Way You Make Me Feel (1985)

I am a person that has very strong feelings. When I am happy, am I very, very happy. When I am sad, I am an upset mess. That being said, there are feelings in my life that I have yet to put my finger on, like when I run out of milk right as the pot of coffee finishes brewing, how I tend to rip all of my best clothes doing something stupid, when a small child grabs at my chest, or the most confusing feeling of all: the constant dreams of a shirtless, teary-eyed Phil Collins holding a boombox, Say Anything-style, outside of my bedroom window, blasting 'In Too Deep'. Strange, strange, strange.

Shirley Lites- Heat You Up, Melt You Down (1983)

I'm not sure if it's the heat, the copious amounts of cheap beer at weekly softball games, the fumes inhaled via open pickup truck windows, or too-tight/too-sweaty dirty white snapbacks, but there is something about summer that makes the dickweeds in my neighbourhood go from 'kinda deplorable' to 'absolutely intolerable'.

Glenn Jones- Finesse 1984

I used to use Finesse for all of my 80's budget haircare needs, but then Salon Selectives came on the market, and sometimes, you just can't fuck with softness.

Unlimited Touch- Searching (1981)

The other night, I watched a documentary of a biologist, searching for an up-close encounter with nature, that lived, for twelve months, with his biologist wife in a tent in the middle of this giant nature preserve in Idaho.  Although I'm sure this was a good year for spotting wolves, it would be a fucking terrible year for absolutely everything else in your whole life.

Ellie Hope- Lucky (1983)

There must be some sort of disconnect in the world regarding the meaning of "hard work". I can tell you, from personal experience, that hard work tends to amount to tense shoulders, semi-regular mini-mental breakdowns, and, typically, even more work.
Imagine my confusion when I hear a celebrity tell James Lipton that they attribute their success to "hard work", after spending the day getting their makeup done, and eating food that is prepared for them, and being paid millions and millions of dollars to put on their "pretty face" for the cameras.
Hard work? Naw, bitch. You've got it twisted...
What you got was lucky.

Cameo- Back & Forth (1987)

Tonight I ate some deep fried pickles, and I'm really quite back and forth on them...Although they are deep fried mother fucking pickles, the top of my mouth is now torn to painful shreds.

First Love- Give Me Your Love (1985)

Nature plays a cruel, cruel trick on us by making those first few attempts at love the most intense, hopeful, breathless versions that you will feel in your entire life, but coinciding them with braces, bad skin, puberty, and your "colored denim overalls" phase.

Geraldine Hunt- Can't Fake The Feeling (1980)

People say you should "fake it until you make it", but I think a better idea would be to "fake being sick, and go home and drink hot chocolate and read a magazine" instead.

Midnight Star- Midas Touch (1986)

I don't know, man. Having the "Midas Touch" would be a double-edged sword. On one hand, everything you touch turns to gold. On the other hand, say goodbye to your genitals.