Gap Band- Outstanding (1982)

I've been considering a little social experiment. I'm going to go into Gap, and put on the biggest, ugliest jeans and see if the sales person still tells me I look "outstanding". I can't shake this feeling that their opinions are less valid than they would have you believe.

Fonda Rae- Over Like A Fat Rat (1982)

Years ago, I lived in Victoria, and would pass by the same homeless girl on the way to work every day. She would be slumped over, her dreadlocks and Cowichan sweater entwined with one another in a mass of fuzz and dirt. Her only friend, a rat that lived in a bucket, was kept beside her at all times. I used to smile to myself as I strolled past- firstly for the irony (what are the odds that a dirty rat and a dirty hippie would find each other in this crazy world and become BFFs?), but mostly for the sitcom potential.

Jupiter Band- Sarah Love (1987)

I love you guys, too!

Shakatak- Watching You (1985)

Oh, you're watching me too? I see. Perhaps it's time to stop handing out my address on ChatRoulette.

Venna- Watching You (1983)

You've been watching me? I see. I guess you probably saw when I spit soup all over the place because my mouth was too frozen to eat because I hadn't been to the dentist since I was taken off my mom's benefit plan when I was nineteen...
Hopefully you were taking a bathroom break when that happened.

Delagation- I Wantcha' Back (1981)

What I really 'wantcha' to do is find some common decency and faith in today's crazy world, and also to find a way to bring back Marshmallow Krispies and Crystal Pepsi.

Gwen Guthrie- Hopscotch (Larry Levan Mix) (1983)

I think would enjoy playing hopscotch a lot more if there was actual scotch involved in the game. Sure, those little glass snifters would break all over the cement, and there'd be a ton of wasted eight-year-olds on the playground, but you try competing with all of the video games and fancy-boy vampire movies that kids are into nowadays. A little liquor would catapult hopscotch back into 1930's popularity- it's a sure bet!

Stinger J- Pretty Face (1987)

A pretty face can get you out of pretty much anything in this world, except for maybe quicksand.

Vaughan Mason & Butch Dayo- Party On The Corner (1983)

Ooooh, man. What if they had a party on my corner? The dirty Italian thugs from the illegal chop shop down the street would be serving some type of grain alcohol to everyone, my autistic next-door neighbour would be screaming and kicking along with the music, and the lesbians down the way would be drinking dark beer and keeping everyone's lawns in check during the festivities. In other words, it would be the worst party of all time.

Laurice Hudson- Feel My Love (1982)

Usually, if someone is asking me if I can "feel their love", I am in the middle of trying to push them off of my leg, mid-dry hump, on the dance floor at 3AM.... To be honest, that's the only time I ever really hear that phrase.