Eddie Murphy- Party All The Time (1985)

A few nights ago, I spent a whole bunch of time wondering where the fuck I put my Snoop Lion bodysuit so I could wear it to a party, before I remembered that I'm 32 years old, and maybe the age gods finally stepped in.

Shalamar- Make That Move (1980)

Do not try to make a move on me at the bus stop, while I'm in my work clothes, with a Fresca in your hand, because it really does not reflect well on either of us.

Luther Vandross- Never Too Much (1981)

It's not atypical in Calgary at this time of the year to feel like Spring is playing a cruel game of "just the tip" with us, but this relentless teasing is getting to be all too much.
p.s. Between the blooming flowers in all non-Luther scenes, and Luther's easter-egg jacket, this is officially the Springy-est video of all time. 

Postive Force- We Got The Funk (1979)

I'm fairly positive that Josh Peck didn't ever lose that much weight, he just became Adam Richman, continued to pork out, and let his slim replacement handle all of the future pop-ins on Disney shows.

Michael Jonzen- Burnin' Up (1986)

I'm a real plan-ahead person, so immediately after chopping a bowl of Thai chilies, I rushed my hands to the sink before they started to burn. I turned on the faucet, and water straight from the deepest, hottest pits of hell came lava-ing out of the tap and onto my hands. It was kind-of like a 'Final Destination' for minor burns that kinda sting for an hour.

Isabel Roberts- Rhythm Of Your Love (1986)

People say that white dudes have no rhythm, but shrinky, jerky, "I gotta pee pee" dances ARE a rhythm, assholes.

Sharon Redd- Beat The Street (1982)

On my old street, all anyone ever talked about was "blah, blah, blah, weather", and "blah, blah, blah, home renos", and you proved your worth by keeping a nice tidy yard and lawn. On my new street, all anyone ever talks about is "blah, blah, blah, studio space", and "blah, blah, blah, bitch, you better have my money", and you prove your worth by rolling up your sleeves and lending a neighbourly hand in moulding the last bits of winter into a giant snow penis.

The Bar-Kays- Tripping Out (1982)

The first time I ever tried hallucinogens, I kept thinking my backpack was falling through my shoulders, and that an old, trollish man was following me. Well, as it so happens, my backpack was fine, and the old man was just an ugly stump someone had thrown onto the beach, and it left me wondering what else in my life was just a figment of my rather vivid imagination.

Taana Gardner- Heartbeat (1979)

I used to think that the heart swung freely around in a person's chest like a pendulum in a grandfather clock, but I was also an exceptionally stupid child. I thought that a small pin through your chest would stop your heart from swinging. I looked at my mom's pincushion in her sewing drawer, and wondered when she was going to make her move on me. Did I mention I was stupid? Also, paranoid. Each year, before I had figured out the mechanics of our cardiovascular system, I would stare at the candles on my cake, remember my mom's barrage of pointy objects, and think to myself, "Nice try Mom- if that's your real name".

Lace- Can't PLay Around (Larry Levan Extended Mix) (1982)

If there's one thing that is certain and true in this world, it is that you can't play around with love (or snakes).