Taana Gardner- Heartbeat (1979)

I used to think that the heart swung freely around in a person's chest like a pendulum in a grandfather clock, but I was also an exceptionally stupid child. I thought that a small pin through your chest would stop your heart from swinging. I looked at my mom's pincushion in her sewing drawer, and wondered when she was going to make her move on me. Did I mention I was stupid? Also, paranoid. Each year, before I had figured out the mechanics of our cardiovascular system, I would stare at the candles on my cake, remember my mom's barrage of pointy objects, and think to myself, "Nice try Mom- if that's your real name".

Lace- Can't PLay Around (Larry Levan Extended Mix) (1982)

If there's one thing that is certain and true in this world, it is that you can't play around with love (or snakes).

Lamont Dozier- You Ought To Be In Pictures (1981)

I've had people tell me I should be in pictures, and with my perfect skin, height, hair, and charisma, and cam you blame them? Wait. Maybe that's not what they said. They said "your life should be a sitcom", because of the hilariously fucked up day-to-day situations, my odd looks, and the regularity of my horrible slapsticky accidents.

C.C. and Company- When (1987)

When you put your face on a giant billboard, no matter how important or impressive you are, the inevitable truth is that, at some point, somebody is going to try and draw a massive schlong near your mouth.

Take Three- Tonite (All Right) (1983)

True, being in a new relationship turns you into a dazed, sexed-out weirdo for a bit, but the constant lovin' every night gives you a flush of your cheeks and pout on your lips that ultimately saves you big coin on cosmetics.

Side On- Magic (1982)

I always knew, even when I was very small, that the magician at the birthday party that was pulling a long line of scarves out of a hat was probably using the same scarves to clean some pretty unsavory messes, so I always steered clear.

Atlantic Starr- Circles (1982)

I bit the inside of my cheek the other day, and now that it has swelled up, I can't help but continue to bite my cheek. All day, every day. It's a vicious circle that truly sets in stone that Mother Nature is a real bee-otch.

Terry Mackson- Call The Police (1983)

If someone uses the term 'YOLO' totally unironically, then you should probably call the police on them, but if they are the type of person that just wouldn't know any better (ie- someone from a non-English speaking country, someone with a severe head injury, ect.), then a good, solid kick to the crotch should suffice on the first offense. The second offense, police.

Stereo - Somewhere In The Night (1982)

It's disturbing when you find yourself muttering "Mommy needs a Bailey's and coffee" at 9AM, but what's even more disturbing is that somewhere along the way, I started calling myself "Mommy".

Carmen - Time To Move (1984)

To the guy that just spent the last 20 minutes clearing his throat beside me on the bus: it's either time to move, time to go to the doctor, or time to go get a new hobby.