Betty Cee- Lovesick (1985)

Web MD should have a hypochondriac filter, because I am definitely not as sick as the internet tells me I am.

Unlimited Touch - Your Love is Serious (1983)

LADIES. If you're going to be "low maintenance" and wear a touque and crewneck to the bar, at least ditch the sneakers and throw on some spiked Mqueens to show the world that yes, you may have really phoned it in tonight, but at least you're serious about something.

Pino D'angio- Okay Okay (1981)

Sometimes I think that my years and years of sunbathing put me at a pretty terrible risk for developing skin cancer, but then I look at Dog The Bounty Hunter's leathery hide and think, hey, if this guy's still okay, then I probably have very little to worry about.

Can-Dee- Lucky Day (1984)

Years ago, I almost burned down my entire apartment building making nachos, then, when eating a fresh batch of nachos that I made immediately afterward, I almost choked to death, and people still say that there is no such thing as luck.

High Fashion- Hold On (1982)

Lesson of the day: anything can look high-fashion if you wear enough eyeliner.

Slave- Bad Girl (1983)

I think the world might be telling me something when, probably 80% of the time, I type 'Satan' instead of 'Sarah'. I used to think it was just poor placement of keys, but lately I'm not so sure.

Kevin McCord- Never Say (1985)

If you're wondering when you should divulge your love of beef jerky to a new friend, the answer should be "never".

George Duke- Shine (1982)

I have been working for years on a simple mathematical formula that equates shininess to deliciousness when eyeballing the endless crap-shoot of a Chinese buffet.

Samson & Delilah- I Can Feel Your Love Slippin Away (1984)

I used to think that I did far too many wild things when I was a kid, but as I watch my youth slip away, I can't help but wonder why teens don't do more stupid things while they have the balls to get away with it.

The Crown Heights Affair - Dreaming a Dream (1975)

You know, maybe it's all the heavy sleeping medication that I take, but I would just love to have one dream that didn't involve me butchering my own hair, having my clothes fall off in a public place, or letting someone gross stick their hands down my pants. Just. One.